We’re thrilled to share a new Author Interview with Tammy Sollenberger, author of The One Inside: 30 Days To Your Authentic Self.
Enjoy the email interview below!
IFS, Enneagram, and Centering Prayer
The Challenge of Staying Centered
Imagine this: a part of you wants to do a meditation, to do Centering prayer, and a part of you starts doing something else- folding the laundry and washing the dishes, checking off the list of to-do’s, reading a new book, taking a walk, or returning that phone call. You wanted to meditate, but you got distracted by something else. You wanted to spend time in prayer, but you forgot, put it off, ran out of time. You wanted to do this spiritual practice which is important to you, but you did not do it.
We are of two minds about a lot of things.
We can be of two minds about saving and spending money, about distance and closeness in relationships, about healthy living practices, and about how many episodes of the Netflix show we are going to watch tonight so we can go to bed early.
Understanding Internal Family Systems (IFS)
Internal Family Systems (IFS), a therapy modality developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz 40 years ago, has a way of explaining these challenges we all experience by describing our personality as multiple, of being made up of parts.
IFS says we have parts who have different perspectives, ideas, and concerns about what we do and how we do it. We have parts of ourselves who are different ages. Some parts have developed coping skills and strategies to help us throughout our lives. These parts often operate as if we are still that same age, as if we have not grown up yet.
We have proactive Protective parts who Manage our lives by being organized, perfectionistic, busy, care-giving others, and people pleasing so we never have to experience feelings and beliefs around being unworthy, unlovable, flawed, or bad.
We have reactive Protective parts who Fight the Fire of emotions when those feelings and beliefs are triggered by over- drinking, eating, shopping, yelling, working.
And, we have parts who need to be protected, parts who have been Exiled because they carry the Burden the protective parts are so desperately keeping us away from. Burdens are those beliefs and feelings that cause us Shame and are ultimately what our protective system is formed to control.
Connecting with Your Authentic Self
Thankfully, our personality is not just made up of parts.
You are there too, Your Authentic Self.
This is the essence of who you are. This is the You that you tap into when you do your sit. The You that takes up a little more space inside when you are more connected to the Divine. Here there is less room for parts and more room for You in the silence and stillness. In your sit, Parts can relax knowing You are the Adult Leader they need.
Your Authentic Self is like the sun, always present but it cannot be experienced due to the thick clouds that are the parts.
The Enneagram: Mapping Your Inner System
The Enneagram is a great place to see your many parts and begin to map who is inside, what are their protective roles, and what are they trying to protect you from experiencing. We all have one of the nine different enneagram Types. When you describe your type, you are describing your parts and your inner system.
If you know your focus of attention for your type, you know that some of your major players, the parts who are most active and you are most familiar with. They keep your focus and your attention on something specific for a reason. The focus is a protective strategy to keep you from experiencing the burden of your exile. These are your protective parts working to help you.
So, if you are a Type Three on the Enneagram like me, you have parts that keep you focused on tasks and goals. You may have other parts who react to that focus, and wish you could be more still, more contemplative.
You can begin to map your inner world in this way: you have a part that focuses on _____ and another part who feels/thinks _____ about that. Two parts. See if you can identify other parts around the focus on attention for your type. What parts are active to keep that focus? What happens when you can’t focus on that? Who inside reacts to the focus?
You are not just these parts you are mapping. Your Authentic Self is here too, and You can have a relationship, an honest conversation with each of these parts. Check to see if you have a “C quality of Self leadership”, of Self energy before you begin to get to know the parts in your system: calm, curious, compassionate, clear minded, creative, and connected. You can listen, befriend, get to know their positive intention for you, and find out what they need from you.
Integrating the Enneagram and IFS
We can also map our internal system using the Enneagram Three Centers of Intelligence: the gut, the head and the heart. Each triad has a concern or value. The parts in the head triad (567) want certainty, the parts in the heart triad (234) want connection, and the parts in the gut triad (891) want control.
If you find your type in the gut triad, your Manager parts are going to proactively work hard to make sure you experience, feel, sense, and have control. Your fire fighter parts are going to come in with a lot of energy and urgency when they think you have lost control or you don’t have it. Many parts in your system are going to be activated by having, losing, keeping, and gaining control.
If you ask your parts what NOT having control means to them or what are they afraid would happen if you did not have control, you will get a hint at the who/what has been Exiled. Their answer will be something like: We failed, we are loved, we aren’t seen/understood/knowable. This tells you that is what has been pushed away, that is what an Exiled part of you believes and feels about itself: It is unlovable, etc.
You can do this inquiry with those ideas of control, certainty, and connection. You may want to begin to consider how you define these words and what they mean to you. You may be curious about how they show up in your life, their importance, and how you center them in some way you did not even realize.
Centering Prayer: A Path to Divine Connection
Centering prayer is a time we set aside to connect to the Divine and to our inner world. The Enneagram gives us a great beginning map to name and unblend from the major players of the parts of our system. Then we, our True Self, can begin to have a relationship, a conversation, a connection with each of them. Centering Prayer is a way our system can tap into and welcome our Self, who is that Holy inside, the Divine Inside.
During a Sit, our inner world gets to experience Us more, to experience the stillness, spaciousness, and silence of being just with Us, as our Self spends time with the Eternal Divine.
John writes, “He must increase, but I must decrease” (John 3:30). In Centering Prayer we experience more of the Divine and less of ourselves. We can say this a few ways: In Centering Prayer…. My parts relax so I experience more of My Divine Nature. I am not driven by the parts found in my enneagram Type so there is more of the Authentic me available. My ego is not needed so I can Be my Divine nature. My parts’ chatter ceases so I be more embodied, more Self led.
We are not ignoring parts. We are aware of them as they use our mind, emotions, and body to get our attention. We use our Word to wipe clean the windshield of our parts’ actions. We may need to remind them beforehand that this time is a time of prayer, a time where we do not need them to protect us in the way they usually do. We may need to spend time with them afterwards to see how that was for them. Parts will begin to enjoy this time where they can rest, especially if they know they will be attended to.
Integrating IFS, Enneagram, and Centering Prayer
By combining the insights of IFS, the Enneagram, and the practice of Centering Prayer, we can navigate our inner world with greater clarity and connection. This integration allows us to better understand our parts, connect with our Authentic Self, and deepen our relationship with the Divine.
About Tammy
Tammy Sollenberger is an author, podcaster, and psychotherapist. She is a Certified IFS therapist and Consultant who enjoys helping people new to IFS discover their Authentic Self. She co-authored a chapter on the Enneagram and IFS with Joan Ryan in the book “Altogether Us: Integrating the IFS Model with Key Modalities, Communities and Trends.” She authored the book, “The One Inside: Thirty Days to Your Authentic Self,” and she hosts and produces a weekly podcast called “The One Inside.” She has a part who always wishes she was reading on a sunny beach.
❤️ Tammy- I found it so lovely that you combined these three modalities for people to understand & love themselves- all of themselves.
You make this world richer and blessed!
Marsha